Dear General Conference

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 I know this one is strange, but I wanted to write my feelings about missing the first General Conference that I can remember in my life.

Dear General Conference:

I must apologize for missing our twice-yearly date. I'm sure that you were expecting me to show up with notebook and colored pens in hand. I do appreciate the years of  suggestions of how to live my life. I'm sure you meant well all along the way.

However, I have now begun to understand how mental abuse in a relationship works. Whether you mean to or not, the way you talk to me is very judgmental. If you want me to change or become a better person, threats of being alone or not being good enough is never a good way to motivate someone. At the end of conference I usually feel overwhelmed and guilty, instead of inspired and uplifted. Sure, that could be my fault for not preparing and being unwilling to feel the spirit, or perhaps those words are just another example of the gaslighting I have finally come to recognize.

I do want you to know that relationships are a two way street. It does not work for you to always tell me what I should do or change, but never listen to my ideas. Do you think that my ideas and beliefs are invalid? I understand that you have more life experience than I do, and that is valid. But I also have experiences and information that you seem to want to discount. That makes our relationship very one-sided. Why is it that you claim to have the authority to tell me what I should do with my life, yet the directions you give do not seem to make my life or the world better. In fact, many of the guidelines you propose cause hurt and pain. It is very strange to me that my hurt and fear should be hidden and glossed over with prayer and scripture study, so that we can all pretend it is not there.  

I'm sorry to tell you that I have found someone else. I spent Saturday and Sunday with this man. Our relationship is just beginning to grow and blossom. I was afraid that if you and I saw each other again, my refreshed relationship might take a step backward. So, I moved forward, and it was a glorious weekend of equal thoughts and communication.

Maybe someday you will be ready to move your relationships to a more even footing. I wish that for you. Good luck in the future.

Sincerely,

One less Mormon at Conference

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