Dear Bishop:

I recognize that many bishops in the LDS church are not good men, and I want to own that fact. However, I have been lucky in the "bishop lottery" and the bishops I have gotten were all men doing their best (as far as I know). So, please take this letter as it is intended, knowing that I understand not all bishops are good men. This letter is addressed to my current bishop.

Dear Bishop: 

I want to say thank you for the great things you have done for our ward. I see the hard work and sacrifice that you and your family have given to help people. I especially appreciate the energy and support given towards the youth.

Please know that my husband and I leaving the church has nothing to do with us being hurt or offended. As people grow and mature it is a natural progression for us to think and question. Our beliefs have begun to morph into a worldview that is more accepting and universal than the doctrine taught by the church. I believe that most of the teachings of the church are good and can be kept in my life. But I also believe that some of them are harmful. I have now allowed myself to step outside the confines of the "boat" and float into the sea with no boundaries on my understandings of life and living. 

I need to share some things with you in the hope that you can understand some of my feelings and perhaps use my experiences to help others.

Remember when I came to see you years ago for help in my marriage? Remember when I confided that my connection with my husband was hanging by a thread? When I asked for help, the only thing you offered was "reading the scriptures and saying prayers." When I left your office I felt disregarded and dismissed. I felt that my only choice was to keep living in an empty marriage. I was able to hang on for those few years through the advice of friends to just accept my life as it was. I urge you to take the pleas for help more seriously. I know that you are not a marriage counselor, but it would have been fantastic for you to call us both together and point us towards a true marriage counselor. 

Here is the good news, and I think something you should keep in mind when others come to you for help: since leaving the church, our marriage is much, much better. There is a problem in the Mormon church with trying to live up to unachievable expectations. I lived through twenty years of marriage expecting my husband to be the perfect priesthood holder and to "preside over the family." It was very difficult for me to live in a world where I had to do all of the church responsibilities while my husband just floated along, "presiding." It got harder when I asked for help from church leaders as high as stake officers and was told that "it is just the way it is." Once again I felt powerless and had to just keep living my life feeling unhappy and unfulfilled. Once we decided that the church is not true and all the requirements were false, those unhealthy expectations fell away. I am now able to see my husband as the strong, loving man that he is instead of the priesthood holder not living up to his obligations.

Remember when I came to you about a year ago and told you that I was no longer sure the church was true? Remember that you sent me to the temple because, "that's where you find out." Well, I did find out. I went to the temple seven or eight times in the next two months. The biggest feeling I got at the temple was a feeling of being manipulated. No one likes to be manipulated, even if it is done unintentionally. In the future it might be a good idea to take the doubts and worries of members seriously. We need answers. We need the truth, and we need the chance to talk about these truths openly. Perhaps the truth of the church can be fit into a more accepting worldview, but we sure can't figure that out if we aren't allowed to explore and learn.

I want you to know that more and more members are going to begin finding truths about the church and these truths will need to be addressed head on. I know that you are already overwhelmed with all you do and this should not fall on you. But, that is the way it is. Right now, you are the shepherd tasked with leaving the ninety and nine and looking after the one. You should be ready to do it. 

Good luck.